Today's top joke

[JawasandMZs]

Man limps into pub on crutches. Smashed up face, two arms in plaster, ten broken fingers and two black eyes.
Oh my! Says the barman, what happened to you??
Ffff..faff.. alk..lans.. mutters the man through broken teeth.
Oh we have a war hero in our midst! Mate, your drinks are on the house! And your food!
Three hours later the man gets up, seven free pints and two free meals inside him.
Ffff annn kew for your kindness, he mutters as he heads for the door.
Wait! Says the barman. Take this, we had a whip round for you. (Hands over a bucket of pound coins)
Fff aann kew! So kind!

As the man leaves the pub, one of the locals walks in and glares at the Injured man in disgust.
You know that guy? Says the barman.
Yeah, what a piss head. He spent all of yesterday in the Falconer Arms and got so drunk that he walked out of the door straight in front of a bus!

[DAVID THOMPSON]

the book says you can drink...
but in many places it tells you not to make a fool of your self

[Puffs]

And there's me thinking that conflict was in '82... Ta!

[JawasandMZs]

OK, it iS a bit dated. Sorry. Mind you, there are still Adam and Eve jokes doing the rounds.

[DAVID THOMPSON]

One kid says we are lucky hamburgers and hot dogs do not bite back

Kid setting beside him says yes they do ..grand pa calls it indigestion

[Puffs]

Removed